Wednesday, August 31, 2016

18. "soft son"


by nick nelson

illustrated by palomine studios

for previous episode, click here


to begin at the beginning, click here




“the white race, billy - the pissed on, shit on, downtrodden white race.”


mitch pulled the datsun over about a block from the arby’s, beside a lot where a house was under construction.

the lot across the street was vacant, and the two houses that were visible from where they sat had their lights off.

“aren’t we going go to arby’s ?” donna asked from the back seat.

“what are you, starving?” mitch answered.

“i could use a bite.”


“you can get one later. i think this is a good place to talk. don’t you agree. billy?”

“we can talk wherever you want,” larry told him.

“we could talk at arby’s,” donna said. “nobody’s going to be listening to anything we have to say. or give a shit about it if they did.”

”i said we can to go arby’s later. “

“what, you think arby’s is bugged?” donna persisted. “he’s more likely to be bugged himself.”


“i don’t think so,” said mitch.

“then why don’t we find out? we should have done it back at his house. just find out, then we can all be happy.”

mitch sighed. “sure, why not? you don’t mind, do you, billy? we are all friends here.”

“mind what?” larry asked, although he had an idea of what they were talking about.

“me checking you out,” donna said. suddenly she leaned over the seat, grabbed larry around the neck, and shoved her hand inside his shirt.


larry shuddered at her touch. it was like having a big fat cat crawling over him.

donna reached a little further down and grabbed him around his crotch. “unzip your fly,” she told larry.

“what?” larry gasped. mitch laughed.

“i’m not interested in your needly dick, i just want to see if you have a wire on your leg.”

“can’t you tell just from the outside?”

“unzip your fly and let’s get this over with. you think this is comfortable for me?”


larry complied, and donna with her head almost down in his lap, ran her hand into his pants and down his thighs.

at least she was quick about it, thought larry. does she do this sort of thing all the time? who are these people?

“now your ankles and we are all set,” said donna, leaning back but still with one arm around larry’s neck.

“my ankles?”

“put your feet up on the dashboard,” mitch told him. “pull your pants up snd your socks down.”


larry did as he was told. donna and mitch gazed thoughtfully at his bare ankles.

“all right, we are all set now,” donna announced and sat back in her seat behind larry. “nothing personal, my man, but you know how it is in this evil world.”

larry, who watched a lot of spy movies and tv shows, thought, yes, unless i have some kind of transmitter in my teeth, or in my skull, but of course he did not say so.

mitch pointed at larry. “hey, pal, your fly is open.” mitch and donna both laughed at this.


“i don’t think billy was too thrilled at your touch,” mitch said as larry pulled his zipper back up. “but i always knew he was that way.”

“all right,” said donna, “where were we?”

“where were we?,” mitch repeated. “where we are is now we are all friends, we are going to have a nice little talk about the old days.”

“but,“ larry repeated yet again, “i don’t know - o k, maybe don’t remember - anything you are talking about.”


“jesus christ!” mitch banged his hand on the steering wheel.

“can i make a suggestion?” donna asked.

“what is your suggestion?’” mitch answered her, glaring at larry.

“just fucking humor him. isn’t that what you were going to do? just humor him. instead of him saying i don’t remember and you saying yes you do every fucking sentence all night long, just tell him who he was and what you two did together and we can go from there.”


“yes, that sounds good,” mitch agreed. he took a deep breath and leaned back in his seat and looked out the window away from larry. “all right, billy, you know what ‘soft son’ is, don’t you?”

“uh - no.”

mitch laughed. then i guess you must not get the newsletter of the national equality watchdog center.”

“the what?” the name sounded vaguely familiar to larry, something he had heard on the news or read online or in the paper.


“’soft son’ , mitch went on, “is what you call an acronym. the first letters make a word. s-o-f-t-s-o-n. and you know what that stands for, right?”

“why don’t you tell me?”

“it stands for ’sick of faggots, totally sick of negroes’. it’s an organization. me and you started it, even though i always knew you were really a faggot yourself. just the two of us.”

“at some fucking college,” put in donna. “a couple of bright boys.”


“that’s right,” said mitch. “at wade hampton teachers college. just the two of us. and do you know what?””

“no. what?” larry asked.

“from that humble beginning, we are now the third worst hate group in america, according to the national equality watchdog center. the third worst.”

“that’s third worst,” said donna, “not third biggest. there’s a difference.”

“she’s right,”said larry, “but still - third worst. that is something. so it’s not like we are nothing.”


larry did not know what to say. the crazier this gets, he thought, the more certain it is these two idiots will finally realize their mistake. but then what?

“this is a lot to take in,” larry said out loud.

“whatever you say, billy,” mitch smiled at him.

“i - um - whatever i might have been when i was younger, right now i don’t really have anything against faggots - or against negroes.”

mitch just laughed.

“i don’t think we really give a shit,” said donna.



19. excuse me



Monday, August 15, 2016

17. "billy"


by nick nelson

illustrated by palomine studios

for previous episode, click here


to begin at the beginning, click here





maybe i should have called the police, larry thought.

but he knew it was too late.

he finished making his cheese and tomato sandwich.

“mitch” and “donna” - larry still doubted those were their real names - seated at the kitchen table with their beers in front of them, watched as larry put the sandwich into the toaster oven to grill it.

larry stood in front of the toaster oven watching the sandwich.


“you going to stand there and watch that thing?” donna asked.

mitch took a sip of his beer. “billy likes to make sure things are done right, don’t you, billy? that is the way he always was,” he told donna. “that is why he is going to be such a valuable addition to our crew.”

“that thing should have a little bell in it that rings when it’s done,” said donna. “this is the fucking 21st century.”

“yes, but billy likes to make sure himself,” said mitch. “it’s a good way to be. ain’t that right, billy?”


“whatever you say,” larry answered.

“sounds like a good way to always be slowing things down,” said donna, “but what do i know?”

larry took the sandwich out and put it on a plate and took the plate over to the table.

mitch and donna continued to watch him as he got a small carton of milk out of the refrigerator. mitch wth an amused expression, donna with a look of disgust - but that seemed to be her permanent look.


“we finally ready to talk?” mitch asked when larry sat down.

“you can talk,” larry answered, “but can i say one thing first?”

“sure,” mitch answered, with a hint of exasperation.

“i don’t remember anything about - about when we were together before.” he held up his hand. “i am not arguing with you. i just don’t remember - i must have amnesia or something, that is all i’m saying. so if i am going to make sense of anything you tell me, maybe you should fill me in on - on when we knew each other before.”


“really?” mitch looked really annoyed now.

“this is bullshit,” said donna.

“you are starting to try my patience, billy,” said mitch, “just when i thought we were getting on the same page.”

larry just shrugged and took a bite of his sandwich.

“you know what i think?” said donna.

“no, what?” mitch asked.

“i think this place is fucking bugged.”


mitch snorted. “i don’t think so. what, did he know we were coming?”

“maybe not, but think about it. here he is, asking you to ’fill you in’. the oldest trick in the book when a place is bugged. ‘refresh my memory.’ ain’t that right, slick, ‘refresh my fucking memory’ while the tape is running, so everything is spelled right out for the prosecutors.”

“you checked the place out,” said mitch. “or did you?”

“i was looking for guns, not wires.”


“but -“ mitch was still not convinced. “why would he have anything? we were never that big before, that anyone would bother to bug him.”

“maybe he went on to bigger things. maybe he is in the witness protection program, that would explain why he has a new name.”

“yeah. it would, wouldn’t it? is that right, billy? are you in the witness protection program, my old friend?”

larry laughed and held up his hands. “no, i am not in the witness protection program. all right, don’t tell me anything. i will try to make sense out of what you tell me the best i can.”


“on the other hand,” said donna, “he might not even be the guy.”

“oh, he’s billy, all right. he admits it - “

“he sort of admits it.”

“but it’s him. i know him, not just his face, but the way he acts - the little pussy way he walks and talks - but you can count on him when the game is on the line, right, billy?”

donna glared at larry, who was taking another bite of his sandwich. “i say let’s get out of here. let's play it safe. we can talk to him in the car - or go someplace, like the arby’s we passed coming here.”


“maybe you’re right. how about it, billy? you mind going for a little ride? even though we just got here.”

“sure, why not?”

“you can finish your sandwich.”

“that’s all right.” larry was happy to get them away from the cellar. “i will put this in the refrigerator, and heat it up later.”

“that is disgusting,” said donna. “letting a greasy sandwich like that get cold and then heating it up? that’s just sick.”


larry ignored her and got up. he put his milk and sandwich in the refrigerator.

mitch chugged the rest of his beer. donna just left hers on the table.

larry followed them outside. the woman across the street, mrs carter, was standing on her lawn.

“good evening, mister miller.”

“good evening, mrs carter.”

“a nice evening.”

“yes it is.” larry smiled at mrs carter and followed mitch and donna to their car, a gray datsun.


neither mitch nor donna had turned to look directly at mrs carter. mitch got behind the wheel. he pointed to the front passenger seat and larry got in it.

“nosy neighbor?” he asked larry.

“not particularly, that i ever noticed.”

“let’s get out of here,” donna said from the back seat. “let’s go to arby’s. get some real food, not some crap somebody made in their own house.”

mitch pulled out. they drove a few blocks in silence.

“now,” said mitch, “we can talk. finally.”

“about what?” larry asked. this is getting old, he thought.

“about what? the cause, billy, the cause. what else would we talk about?’

“oh? and what cause might that be?”

“what cause? you ask what cause? “ mitch laughed and turned to larry. “the white race, billy - the white race. the pissed on, shit on, downtrodden white race.”

18. "soft son"



Wednesday, July 27, 2016

16. it will help you


by nick nelson

illustrated by palomine studios

for previous episode, click here


to begin at the beginning, click here





it was thursday, so ellen was working a late shift at burger king.

rick and grace were watching the real housewives of atlanta after eating a couple of hungry man dinners.

rick had had a backyard barbecue and grace a roasted carved white meat turkey.

now they were sitting on opposite ends of the ratty old couch, each with a can of fanta in their hand.

suddenly rick remembered the hitler book, and he decided to ask grace about it.


grace and rick could both talk and watch television at the same time and grace never minded being interrupted when she was watching television. sometimes ellen did - “can’t you see i’m watching this?” - but grace never did.

and grace was in kind of a good mood. her friend janet had come over before dinner and something janet had said about somebody at grace’s old company had amused her.

“do you know if there are any book stores around?” rick asked.


“book stores? like a store you walk into?”

“yeah. a store that would have every book ever written.”

“i don’t know, i don’t think so. there was a big borders down the street from the office, but that closed years ago - when i was still working.”

“oh.”

“why?” grace turned and looked at rick. “i never saw you read a book before. you want some particular book?”


“maybe.” maybe i shouldn’t have asked her, rick thought. she can be really nosey sometimes.

“maybe? what’s maybe? what do you want, some dirty book? like fifty shades or something? i got fifty shades out of the library and i thought it was horseshit.”

rick got a little red. he looked down on his can of fanta. “no, i don’t want any dirty book. i was just - this guy told me about this book and i thought it sounded interesting, that’s all.”


“well, you can go on amazon. they got books for three or four dollars. they say they are a penny but the postage is three or four dollars. “

“do they have every book that’s ever been written?”

“absolutely. what book did you have in mind?”

rick tried to remember the exact title. “the life and death of adolf hitler, by robert payne.”

grace did not seem particularly surprised by this. “yeah, they probably have that for a penny plus three dollars. you have a credit card, right?”


“uh - no.”

“no? i thought ellen got you one.”

“i had one, but it got cancelled. i never used it that much anyway.”

“oh. well, i tell you what - i will buy it for you and you can owe me. how’s that?” sometimes when grace was in a good mood she could be surprisingly friendly.

“sure - thanks.”

“i tell you what - i know another book you should read. i will get you that too, if you want. it was the best book i ever read and it really helped me out.”


rick was a little bewildered by this, but did not want to seem ungrateful. “yeah, that sounds great.”

“it’s called i’m o k you’re o k, by thomas harris. it really helped me - it might help you too. it’s a different thomas harris from the one who wrote silence of the lambs. i thought it was the same but they are different. but silence of the lambs is a great book too.”

“will that help me out too?” rick asked, just to be saying something.

“ha, ha - i suppose it would if you wanted to be a serial killer.”


when rick looked confused, grace added, “that was a joke, sport. here, let me go get my laptop.”

neither ellen, grace, nor rick used computers much or regularly used the internet. grace had a crummy old laptop that she had been allowed to buy from the company for five or ten dollars when she was laid off, and now wi-fi and internet were included in the phone bill so she could get on the web if she wanted to.


she got up and went to her room to get the laptop.

rick focused his mind, sort of, back on the real housewives of atlanta. most of the people on the show were black, but they did not look much like the black people he encountered in the real world so it did not bother him that much.

for some reason grace’s little joke about him wanting to be a serial killer stuck in his mind.



17. "billy"



Saturday, June 25, 2016

15. mitch


by nick nelson

illustrated by palomine studios

for previous episode, click here


to begin at the beginning, click here





the train had been delayed at several stops, and when larry finally got home he was tempted to take a coors light out of the refrigerator and chug it down, before he had his sandwich and glass of milk.

his feeling of general frustration was compounded by his not having been able to do the crossword on the train - something he was able to do nine out of ten nights.

larry closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

he was a disciplined person.


discipline had gotten him this far. he was not going to lose it over a couple of little things like the train being late and not being able to do the crossword puzzle.

he forced his mind to go blank, and began making his grilled cheese and tomato sandwich.

he felt that he deserved some sort of treat after his difficult day and decided to add a couple of slices of mortadella to the sandwich.

with his sharpest chef’s knife he carefully sliced the cheese, the tomato, and the mortadella and was just getting ready to slice the bread (he always bought unsliced loaves) when the doorbell rang.


who could that be?

it could not be mike barber, or anybody else from work - they never visited him and probably did not know where he lived.

he did not know any of his neighbors, even to nod to.

it could not be geraldine, because she was dead, and buried in the basement.

could it be that bitch, detective fletcher? she had not bothered him for four months. larry had thought, a whole year after he murdered geraldine, that he had seen the last of fletcher.


the doorbell rang again, held down a little longer.

larry put his knife down and answered the door.

it took him a couple of seconds to recognize the man who had approached him on the street earlier that evening, on his way to the train station.

what was his name? mitch? had he given a last name?

but before larry could remember the man’s last name - if he had given one - the man pushed past him into the house.


and larry saw that he had brought a companion along, who also pushed past larry.

at first larry thought the companion a smooth-faced, punkish looking young man, but realized it was a young woman. the most solid-bodied woman larry had ever seen, and maybe the meanest looking.

as the young woman passed him, larry had the impression she was blowing smoke in his face, although she was not actually doing any such thing.


“this is a nice place, billy,” the man - mitch, or whatever his name was - was saying.

billy! that was the name the man had thought was larry’s when they met on the street.

or - pretended to think was his? he had somehow followed larry or - learned his address - or knew it all along.

larry’s mind raced. surely there was something other than an honest mistake here?

could there be some connection to geraldine? maybe he was geraldine's brother, or ex-boy friend. not that she had ever mentioned such a person.


could they be some sort of police, sent by detective fletcher? although larry’s non-movie and tv experience of police and criminals was limited - actually non-existent before he had killed geraldine and been interrogated by fletcher and other police persons, he immediately felt certain that mitch and his lady friend were not from the police.

mitch and the young woman were going through the rooms as if checking to see if anyone else was there.

the house was one story, with just a front room, a kitchen, a bedroom with a bathroom off of it, and a tiny “office” partitioned off from the front room. there was a basement - with its body underneath it - but no attic, just a crawlspace.


mitch went into the kitchen and larry followed him. larry made one last try at laughing the whole thing off.

“ha, ha. i am sorry, but i really don’t know you or billy, or have any idea who billy is.”

mitch glanced at the sandwich makings on the kitchen counter but made no comment. he sat down at the kitchen table and assumed a classic “relaxed attitude” .

“come on, billy - or lawrence, or whatever you call yourself, let’s cut the shit. i tell you what -“


the young woman came into the kitchen. “nobody else here,” she told mitch.

mitch pointed to the door to the cellar. the young woman approached it.

“it’s just the cellar,” larry said in an even voice.

“take a look,” mitch told the young woman.

larry managed not to take a deep breath. “there’s a light switch on your left,” he said.


“oh by the way, billy, i haven’t introduced you. this is donna - donna, billy. or lawrence, or whatever.”

“charmed, i’m sure,” donna replied. she sounded even nastier than she looked. she opened the cellar door and went down the stairs.

“now as i was saying, billy, or lawrence - we don’t have to argue, we can cut the shit right here.” mitch leaned back and smiled. “now if you don’t know me, and i’m sitting here and you tell me to leave and i don’t - then i'm a home invader, right?’


larry didn’t answer.

“i see a phone over there on the wall. and you probably have another one in your pocket. if i’m invading your home, why don’t you just call the police, or 911? hey?”

larry thought about it. he was tempted. he really had no idea who mitch was. surely he had no connection with geraldine.

or did he?

mitch was smiling at him. the moment had passed.


“i don’t like calling the police,” larry said.

“ha, ha! i didn’t think so. i didn’t think so.” mitch looked over at the kitchen counter. “i see i was interrupting something. why don’t you go ahead and finish making your sandwich? you wouldn’t happen to have anything to drink, would you?”

“there’s some beers in the refrigerator. help yourself.”

“well, that’s mighty neighborly - lawrence.” mitch started to get up.

donna returned from the cellar. “nothing down there.”


mitch sat back down. “there’s some beers in the refrigerator,” he told donna. “you want one for yourself?” he asked larry.

“no - no, i always have a sandwich first, and a glass of milk.”

donna laughed, as if larry had said something funny.

“that’s good, billy, that’s sound very healthy,” mitch said, as donna opened the refrigerator. “and like you have a plan, and stick to it. ha,ha! that’s what i always liked about you. that you always had a plan, and stuck to it.”


maybe he does know me somehow, larry thought, as he turned back to the counter to finish making his sandwich.

the complete absurdity of the whole situation suddenly hit him.

but they didn’t seem to know anything about geraldine, or even that she had ever existed.

maybe i should have called the police, he thought.

but he knew it was too late.


16. it will help you